


One-Shots Featuring Trick Shepard and Friends

by GingerAnn



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drinking, Fluff, Humor, Mentions of Sex, Multi, Shepard is a little shit, Space Husbands, mShenko, slight canon divergence just so everyone can be happy, spacer, war hero, well almost everyone is happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 10,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerAnn/pseuds/GingerAnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a collection of one-shots featuring my Male Shepard, Trick, and other characters from the Mass Effect trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

As the summary says, this is just a collection of one-shots featuring my Male Shepard, Trick, and other characters from the Mass Effect trilogy.

A little background on Trick before we begin:

Trick is a spacer and a war hero.  
He married Kaidan soon after the Reaper War, and they adopted a daughter, Ashley (she came with the name and Trick jokingly says it was a sign that they were meant to adopt her).  
The Alenko/Shepard family settled in Vancouver, close to Kaidan's parents and an Alliance base, where they have semi-boring desk jobs.  
Trick is sarcastic and loves a good joke.  
Trick and Kaidan still do occasional missions for the Council and Alliance, with the Normandy and crew.

And that's about it, enjoy.

Rated Teen and Up due to language and references of sexual acts.

These are in no particular order. Some take place during the games, some after.


	2. Pillow Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan has problems getting Trick out of bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after the Reaper War.

"Trick, wake up," Kaidan said tucking his shirt into his pants. His casual wear was still his off-duty uniform. Some things never changed.   
Trick replied by throwing a pillow at him.  
"Really mature," Kaidan said.  
Trick grunted.  
Kaidan walked over to the bed, holding the pillow.  
"Time to get up," Kaidan said.  
"Don't wanna," Trick grumbled burying his face into a pillow.  
Kaidan hit him with the pillow he was holding.  
"This means war, Major," Trick said sitting up. He grabbed a pillow and smacked Kaidan on the side of the head with it.  
They were both standing on the bed, hitting each other with pillows when Ashley walked in.  
"Stand down soldiers!" She shouted.  
"You teach her these things," Kaidan said hopping off the bed, fixing his hair as he did.  
"Yeah," Trick said with a proud smile. "Let me get dressed and we'll leave."

They made it to Ashley's school in time, though she told her teacher they were late because "Daddy and Papa were having a pillow fight."  
In that moment they went from "Commander Shepard and Major Alenko, heroes of the galaxy" to "Trick and Kaidan, pillow fighters."


	3. Tripped Down Stairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker talks about the great Commander Shepard.

Joker got asked a lot about Commander Shepard. People wanted to know what the man was like, what it was like playing a part in saving the galaxy, all of that.  
Joker would tell people things they expected to hear - that Commander Shepard was a great man, brave, smart, stubborn, funny. He would also tell people that Commander Shepard had a problem with stairs.  
He was telling some new recruit about it now.  
"Stairs?" The guy, Corporal Moretz, asked.  
"Yeah, on the Normandy he never watched where he was going," Joker said. "He was always too busy reading datapads, catching up on reports, stuff like that, so he had a tendency to trip down the stairs."  
Moretz just gave Joker a look of disbelief.  
"No joke," Joker said. "Alenko once threatened to take Shepard's datapads away."  
"But I've seen vids of Shepard. He never looked clumsy," Moretz said.  
"He was never trying to read and walk in those vids," Joker said with a shrug.  
"I don't know," Moretz said shaking his head.  
Suddenly there was a crash a few feet away.  
Joker heard a familiar voice apologizing before the owner of the voice sat down in the empty seat beside of him.  
"Stairs get ya again?" Joker asked.  
"Yeah," Trick Shepard said with a sheepish grin. "They came out of nowhere."  
Joker looked at Moretz as if to say "see, told ya."


	4. Caught in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick and Kaidan get caught in the rain.

Trick was on light duty for the rebuilding efforts. Mostly he got to walk around with a datapad making notes about things that needed to be done. There was always someone close by, making sure he didn't try to do anything his doctors wouldn't allow and that he would take breaks. Today, that person was Kaidan.  
Trick was sitting down on a piece of a wall, watching Kaidan help a group of people move some rubble, when it started to rain.  
It rained a lot on Earth. Trick loved it. Even though it slowed down the rebuilding. It could be dangerous to work in the rain.  
Kaidan jogged over to where Trick was.  
"Ready to head back home?" Kaidan asked.  
Home. The Normandy.  
"Yeah, can we walk?" Trick asked.  
"You up for it?"  
"If I'm not, I'll let you carry me," Trick said with a grin.  
Kaidan chuckled and took Trick's hand in his.  
Kaidan could think of worse things than being caught in the rain with Trick.


	5. Covered in Feathers

"I liked that pillow," Trick said.  
"Sorry," Kaidan said. His voice a little raspier than normal.  
"Guess I should take it as a compliment," Trick said. "Because of my sexual abilities, you shredded my pillow."  
"Sorry," Kaidan said blowing a feather off his lip.  
"And your pillow," Trick added. "Which I just bought you."  
"Sorry," Kaidan said.  
"You look like a giant bird by the way," Trick said. "Those pillows had a lot of feathers."  
Kaidan just grunted.  
"Never thought I would be attracted to a giant bird," Trick continued.  
Another grunt from Kaidan.  
"You do make feathers look good."  
Grunt.  
"Especially when they're stuck in your hair."  
Kaidan jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  
"Thought that would get you up," Trick called to Kaidan's feather covered back.


	6. Hanging Out With Joker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during the first game.

Trick slumped into the co-pilot's chair.  
"You know you don't have to supervise me," Joker said.  
"I'm not supervising you," Trick replied. "I like it up here. It's relaxing."  
"I always thought so, but people usually don't agree with me," Joker said.  
"It's probably all the flashing lights that bother them," Trick replied with a grin.  
"What was up with that Admiral inspecting us?"  
"Apparently we were supposed to join his fleet after Eden Prime. He wasn't happy that we didn't. I talked the Normandy up so his report won't be too horrible."  
"The Normandy is the best ship ever made. Don't let that big mean man make you feel bad, baby," Joker said patting his console.  
"Should I leave you two alone?" Trick asked.  
"We'll have alone time later."


	7. Trick Thinks He's Funny

"Trick, I am not wearing this!" Kaidan yelled from the bathroom.  
"Come on, you love it," Trick replied.  
"Where's my other shirt?"  
"I hid it. I hid all of your shirts. You either have to wear that one, or go topless. I'm fine with either option, really."  
Finally the bathroom door opened and Kaidan emerged. He was wearing his usual boots and fatigue pants with a shirt that had the words "I fucked Commander Shepard and all I got was this lousy shirt" printed on the front.  
Trick burst out in uncontrollable laughter.  
"It's not that funny," Kaidan said watching as the other man fell off the bed, still laughing.  
"Yes, it is," Trick said, still laughing.


	8. I'm Going to Be Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After blowing up that Cerberus base, Jack and Trick get drunk.

Trick blinked slowly.  
"I'm going to be sick," he moaned.  
"You're such a light-weight," Jack said with a laugh.  
"In my defense, I was dead for two years. Really fucked with my alcohol tolerance," Trick said.  
"Sure. Whatever you say, Boy Scout," Jack said.  
"Can you please make the room stop spinning. Or get me a bucket," Trick said.  
Jack just laughed and took another drink.


	9. Holding Hands

"Let's get out of here," Trick said with a grin.  
"And go where?" Kaidan asked.  
"Well, part of me wants to drag you back to the Normandy, strip you down and do as many dirty things as we can before we both pass out from exhaustion," Trick said.  
Kaidan almost choked on his beer.  
"But how about a walk or something," he continued.  
"Yeah. A walk. That sounds good."  
The two men stood up and began walking towards the elevator.  
Trick slipped his hand into Kaidan's, linking their fingers.  
Kaidan looked at their hands and then to Trick's face. Trick looked nervous until Kaidan squeezed his hand and smiled.  
Trick laughed and pulled Kaidan closer.  
"Everyone in the galaxy will know about us within the hour," Kaidan said when he noticed someone snapping a picture of the two of them on their omni-tool.  
"Is that a problem?" Trick asked.  
"No. As long as Allers doesn't want to interview me, I am perfectly okay with that galaxy knowing that I'm with you."  
"I'll make you a shirt. Have Liara distribute pictures of you wearing it," Trick said.  
"No. Please no shirts."  
"So many shirts," Trick said. "'Property of Commander Shepard, if found, please return to Commander Shepard.' Or 'I helped Commander Shepard save the galaxy and all I got was him.' No, that one's lame. I'll do better."  
Trick continued mumbling about what he was going to put on a shirt for Kaidan and Kaidan just smiled.


	10. Are You Sure You Know What You're Doing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick is not good at puzzles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place on Noveria. And I was too lazy to fact-check so if I got anything wrong about how to do the puzzle thing, blame Trick. He has no idea what he's doing.

Trick stared at the mainframe computer. He had to transfer blocks to a certain column, but he had to do it a certain way. Damn, he couldn't remember what he was supposed to do. He was never good at puzzles like this. He made a promise to himself to download something to his omni-tool to help him practice things like this. You never knew what you could come across, and next time he was going to be a little more prepared.  
He started randomly switching blocks around, hoping he'd get lucky.  
"Commander, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Kaidan asked from behind him.  
"Not a fucking clue," Trick replied.  
"Let me try," Kaidan said.   
Trick moved and let Kaidan take over.  
In less than a minute Kaidan had the thing solved.   
"Good job, Alenko," Trick said. To hell with downloading something to help with those things, he'd just take Kaidan everywhere. He really liked that plan.


	11. I Need This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick and Kaidan are shopping.

"I need this," Trick said looking at Kaidan.  
"Do you really need a new pistol?" Kaidan asked.  
"Yes?"  
"Do you need it because it is better than the pistol you're using, or do you just think it looks cool?"  
"It's better?" Trick said giving Kaidan his puppy dog eyes.  
"Fine," Kaidan said.  
"See anything you need?" Trick asked placing his order into the kiosk.  
"I need this," Kaidan said turning Trick to face him. He seen Trick smile as he leaned in for a kiss.


	12. Nothing To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick is stuck in the hospital and bored.

"Kaidan," Trick said.

"What?" Kaidan asked not looking up from his datapad.

"Bust me out of here," Trick said.

"No," Kaidan replied.

Trick has been in the hospital for a week now. Kaidan was pretty sure Dr. Chakwas was making up excuses to keep him so the man would actually rest.

"I would bust you out," Trick said crossing his arms over his chest.

"Don't pout," Kaidan said setting his datapad down. He stood up and walked over to the bed.

"Nothing else to do," Trick said.

Kaidan smiled before climbing onto the bed. He straddled Trick's lap and leaned in for a kiss.

"Nothing at all?" Kaidan asked, his lips almost touching Trick's.

"Now I can think of something," Trick grinned before wrapping his arms around Kaidan.

They were both so distracted that they didn't realize a nurse had come into the room until she squeaked. She left, slamming the door behind her.

"Maybe we should behave," Kaidan said starting to move off Trick's lap.

"To hell with that," Trick said pulling the other man down on top of him.


	13. Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick and Kaidan's daughter questions them about their favorite adventure.

Ashley and Trick were sitting at the small kitchen table. She was finished eating breakfast and drawing on her data-pad. He was sipping coffee while catching up on some news and messages. He was also sneakily taking pictures of her. He couldn't help it. She was just too adorable in her hanar printed pajamas.

"Daddy," she said not looking up from her drawing.

"Yeah, Doll?" Trick asked looking up from his data-pad.

"You and Papa went on lots of adventures, right?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Which one was your favorite?"

"Which was your favorite to hear about?" Trick asked. Trick's adventures saving the galaxy were some of Ashley's favorite stories to hear.

"I asked you first," was her reply.

Trick chuckled.

"Okay. My favorite adventure is being your daddy," he said leaning over and kissing the side of her head.

"Cheap answer," she said.

"The truth is not a cheap answer," Trick said.

She just rolled her eyes at him. For a five year old she had a good grasp of being a smart-ass. It made Trick proud. Kaidan was not as appreciative. According to him, Trick was enough smart-ass for one house.

Kaidan walked into the kitchen, still yawning.

"Good morning, Peanut," he said kissing the top of Ashley's head as he walked past her.

"Good morning, Papa," she said all smiles.

"Morning, Trouble," Kaidan said kissing the top of Trick's head.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Trick replied.

"Papa?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah?" Kaidan asked getting himself a cup of coffee.

"You and Daddy went on lots of adventures, right?" She asked.

"I guess we did," Kaidan said shoving Trick's feet off the only empty chair at the table.

"Which one was your favorite?" Ashley asked.

"Oh gees. That's a hard question," Kaidan said sitting down. Trick put his feet up on Kaidan's lap. Kaidan shot Trick an annoyed look. Trick just smiled. Kaidan rolled his eyes and turned back to Ashley. "Probably that pyjak thing."

"That one where we had to get that data from one of those little ba... balls of fur?" Trick asked.

"Well, it sure as he... heck wasn't the one where you decided to give Anderson a family of pyjaks, that's for sure. We almost got arrested for that one. Yeah, the data one," Kaidan said. "At the beginning, you were feeling bad because you almost ran over one. But by the end, you were threatening genocide. It was funny to watch your slow descent into madness."

Trick crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair.

"My answer was better," he said.

"No, it wasn't," Ashley said.

"Wait. What's your favorite?" Trick asked her.

"The one where you fell down the stairs," she replied.

Kaidan laughed.

Trick hung his head.

"Joker needs to stop telling those stories," he muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might write about the Anderson-pyjak thing... Someday...


	14. Kitchen Floor

Trick reached over and took Kaidan's hand in his own. They were laying on the floor of the kitchen in their new apartment.

"I think we got every surface," Kaidan said, his breath finally evening out.

"Yeah. We can check kitchen floor off the list," Trick replied.

"And kitchen counter. Kitchen table. Kitchen chairs," Kaidan said.

"We got the whole room broke in during one sex adventure. Go us."

"Yeah."

"While we're here, fix me something to eat. I am starving."

Kaidan opened the cabinet he was laying beside of. He tossed a box of protein bars at Trick.

"Ow! Oh! Food!" Trick said ripping into the box.


	15. Souvenir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Trick bring something back from Dr. Bryson's lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the third game.

Kaidan watched as Trick and James walked towards the Normandy.

"Everyone else is already on board, Commander," Kaidan said when the two men were closer.

"Thanks, Kaidan," Trick said with a smile. That's when Kaidan noticed that the other man was carrying something.

"What is that?" Kaidan asked.

"This?" Trick asked holding up the husk head. "This is a souvenir."

"We need to run tests on it," James added.

"Oh yeah. Lots of tests," Trick said nodding vigorously.

"Really?" Kaidan asked.

"No. We just thought it would look cool in my cabin," Trick said with a grin. "What should I name it?"

"You're going to name it?" Kaidan asked.

"I think it looks like a Larry," Trick continued.

"Or a Harry," James said.

"Maybe Mary," Trick said.

Kaidan just shook his head and followed the other two onto the Normandy.


	16. Later

Trick started putting things away as Kaidan continued carrying bags into the kitchen.

"Thanks," Kaidan said.

"It's the least I could do since you did all the shopping," Trick said.

"Well, I know how much you hate shopping for anything but pets and guns," Kaidan said with a smile.

"That is true. Hey, what's this?" Trick asked pulling a container out of one of the many bags.

"That's for later," Kaidan replied.

"Chocolate flavored body paint?" Trick read off the container.

"Later," Kaidan said.

"Now. Get naked."

"Later. Now you are putting away groceries."

"Ugh," Trick groaned dramatically.

Kaidan chuckled.


	17. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as humorous as my other Trick stories. Oops.

The first time Trick Shepard said "I love you" to Kaidan was on Earth. They were heading to the beam. Kaidan got hurt. Trick called in the Normandy. Kaidan begged Trick not to leave him. And Trick did something selfish. Trick didn't think he would live to see Kaidan again. Saying "I love you" at that moment was selfish. Kaidan didn't need to know how Trick felt. It would just make things worse when Trick didn't come back. But the words tumbled out of his mouth before Trick could stop them. Then Trick was kissing the other man. Putting all the love and passion he felt for Kaidan into that kiss.

"You better come back," Kaidan whispered as Trick pulled away.

"For you, I will," Trick said.


	18. Too Soon?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets some sun on Haestrom.

The sun on Haestrom was killer. Literally.

"Mom told I needed to get more sun, but this is a little ridiculous," Trick said stopping in a shaded area. He put his back against a wall. Miranda and Garrus stood beside him.

"Is this really the time to be making jokes?" Miranda asked.

"Shepard will be making jokes until he dies," Garrus said.

"I already died. Still making jokes," Trick said looking around the corner. No Geth. Good.

Neither of his squad mates said anything though he could feel their eyes on him.

"Too soon?" Trick asked looking them.


	19. Good Night, Trick

Trick walked into the bedroom after his shower.

"Get nice and clean?" Kaidan asked around a yawn.

"Body is clean. Mind is still filthy," Trick replied joining Kaidan in bed.

"Well, tell it to behave."

"But it doesn't want to."

"Good night, Trick," Kaidan said wrapping his arms around the other man.

"Sweet dreams, Kaidan," Trick replied. He waited a full minute before he opened his mouth again.

"So, no sex?" He asked.

"Go to sleep, Trick," Kaidan mumbled.


	20. No Sleep

Kaidan found Trick in the living room watching some infomercial. Kaidan was positive Trick had no idea what was on the TV. He was wearing his N7 sleep pants and no shirt. Which almost matched Kaidan's Alliance sleep pants and no shirt.

"Have you slept?" Kaidan asked sitting down.

"I got an hour or so," Trick replied putting an arm around Kaidan's shoulders.

"Nightmares?" Kaidan asked snuggling closer to Trick.

"Yeah," Trick whispered.

"Wake me up next time."

"I don't want to bother you."

"I like being bothered by you," Kaidan said moving so he could kiss Trick's unshaven cheek.


	21. Can I Have Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick spends some time with his mother. And then meets Kaidan Alenko.

Trick Shepard was sitting outside of a small cafe on Arcturus Station with his mother, Hannah. She had a couple days of leave and he was shipping out in the morning.

"I heard that your CO is going to be David Anderson," she said sipping her coffee.

"Yeah," Trick replied peeling the label off his beer.

"Try to behave for him."

"I always behave," Trick said with a grin.

"Your last CO wanted to court martial you for that little prank you pulled."

"He had no sense of humor," Trick said with a shrug.

"Well, that's true," Hannah agreed.

An attractive man with styled dark hair walked past their table. Trick watched the man until he turned a corner.

"He was cute. Can I have him?" Trick said grinning at his mother.

"Maybe for your birthday," she replied with a laugh.

\-----------------------------------------

The next morning Trick got to the docking bay he had to report to early. Trick wanted to be early. There was a new ship to look at and he wanted to drool over it without anyone around.

"Good morning, my boy!" David Anderson said walking down the gangplank of the ship.

"Good morning, sir," Trick said. He looked over at the ship that was docked. "Is this her?"

"Yeah. The SSV Normandy," Anderson replied with a smile.

"She's beautiful," Trick said.

Trick was distracted and didn't notice anyone else had approached until Anderson said something.

"Lieutenant Alenko," he said.

"Captain Anderson, sir," a voice said. A gorgeous voice.

Trick turned to see the man from yesterday. He swore under his breath. Just his luck.

"Have you met Commander Shepard?" Anderson asked.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir," Alenko said saluting Trick.

"Ah. Saluting. Still not used to people doing that to me," Trick said with a laugh.

"People have been saluting you for years," Anderson said.

"And it still confuses me," Trick said grinning at the older man.

"Why don't I give you two the tour," Anderson said.

"Sounds good, sir," Alenko said.

Trick followed the other two men onto the ship. He was doomed. He promised his mother he would behave and now he's serving on a ship with the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. And that voice. Shit. The voice alone almost gave him a hard-on.

Behaving was going to be really difficult.


	22. Don't Touch My Stuff

"I was talking to James," Kaidan said when Trick walked into starboard observation.

"Don't talk to James. That's a bad idea," Trick said sitting down.

"He said that on Mars, while I was getting my head bashed into things, you yelled 'don't touch my stuff'."

"I might have."

"I'm your stuff?"

"I take very good care of my stuff."

"Please don't refer to me as 'your stuff' again."

"Yeah. I won't. It just kind of slipped out," Trick said with a blush.

"At least not where James can hear you. He now wants to give me the nickname 'Loco's Stuff'."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all because I am replaying Mass Effect 3 and at the end of the Mars mission I kept yelling "Don't touch my stuff!" at the evil robot lady.


	23. Hamster Chasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick has to catch his hamster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this posted by itself but decided it belonged here more. I also did some slight editing.

"Damnit, Alenko!" Trick shouted as the hamster darted between his legs again.

He's been in engineering for an hour chasing the hamster.

"Why am I down here by myself? I should order the crew down here to help," he muttered.

"Shepard?" A voice called from the stairs.

"Down here, Liara!" He shouted.

"Adams told Joker that you have been down here shouting for an hour," she said walking into the small area.

"My hamster's down here," Trick replied.

"You have a hamster?"

"Yeah, picked him up last time."

"You and your love for animals," Liara said with a smile.

"Yeah," Trick said not really paying attention to the asari. The hamster darted between Trick's legs again. "Damnit, Alenko!"

"You named your hamster Alenko?" Liara asked.

"Um... Yeah..." Trick said rubbing the back of his neck.

"That's so precious."

"Never mention any of this to Kaidan."

"It's sweet!"

"He probably won't think so. He has a tendency to hate everything I do now."

"He doesn't. He's just worried about you. Cares for you." Liara moved closer to where Trick was standing.

"We are not discussing Kaidan," Trick said with a sigh.

"No, I suppose not. We are discussing your hamster. Which you named after the man you love."

"I don't love Kaidan. I am attracted to him. Enjoy his company. Not love."

"Not yet."

Trick sighed and ran his hand over his shaved head.

The hamster poked it's head out from behind a stack of crates. Liara caught him in a stasis field, releasing him when Trick picked him up.

"Thanks, Liara," Trick said.

"You're welcome," she said. "You should really tell Kaidan how you feel. He lost you. You almost lost him on Mars. Soon the Goddess will stop giving you two chances."

Trick nodded, petting the hamster in his hand.


	24. Defeated by a Canadian Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick doesn't like winter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This popped into my head when I seen the N7 parka, hat and scarf on the BioWare store.
> 
> Takes place after the third game.
> 
> (This was previously posted by itself, but I decided it needed to join the other Trick stories)

It was winter in Canada. Trick was almost regretting settling there after the war. Kaidan was used to it, Trick was not.

"It's as cold as Noveria," Trick complained as he huddled in the passenger seat.

"No, it's not," Kaidan replied as he drove. "You need to buy another coat. That leather jacket is not made for Canadian winters."

"I haven't found one I liked," Trick said with a shrug.

"You mean you haven't found one with N7 on it and a stripe down the arm."

"Yeah. That."

Kaidan parked at the Alliance base and laughed as Trick ran inside the building.

"Commander Shepard, Major Alenko," the private at the desk said with a salute.

"Private Jennings," Kaidan replied with a nod. "You'll have to excuse the Commander. He's cold."

"Still not used to Canadian winters, sir?" Jennings asked with a small smile.

"I've been on cold hazard planets that were a damn sauna compared to this," Trick replied.

Trick and Kaidan walked to the small office they shared. The office was supposed to be used to fill out paperwork in. Mostly Trick used it to sneak naps and try and seduce Kaidan. Mr. By-the-Book was a hard man to seduce at the office though.

"Maybe I should wear armor all the time," Trick said sitting in his office chair. "I'd be warm at least."

"The great Commander Shepard, defeated by a Canadian winter," Kaidan said with a smile.

"I'm not defeated," Trick pouted. "I just need a new battle plan."

"Buy a coat. There's a plan," Kaidan said.

"That's giving in. Commander Shepard doesn't give in."

There was a knock on the door before Kaidan could reply

"Come in!" Trick yelled.

James walked in the door carrying a box. "Hey Loco, Blue," he said.

"What's in the box?" Trick asked bouncing up and down in his chair and smiling.

"He's like a little kid," James said to Kaidan.

"I know," Kaidan said.

"It's a present from the boys of N7," James said setting the box on the desk.

Trick was close to giggling as he ripped into the box. He pulled out a black parka with an N7 patch and stripe down one sleeve.

"Now maybe you'll stop bitching about the cold," Kaidan said.

"There's a matching hat!" Trick said pulling more items out of the box. "And scarf!"

James and Kaidan watched as Trick put on his new coat, hat and scarf.

"Loco really doesn't like the cold, does he?" James asked Kaidan as they watched Trick curl up on the office chair. He pulled the hat down and the scarf up so only his eyes were showing.

"That's the understatement of the year," Kaidan replied.


	25. Under The Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The great Commander Shepard is almost defeated by a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this previously posted on it's own, but decided it needed to be with its friends.

When on a ship like the Normandy, schedules were important. Work schedules, shower schedules, laundry schedules, sleep schedules.

Today was Trick's laundry day and with everything going on, he forgot to gather his laundry. Now he was trying to gather his dirty clothes up so he wouldn't be stuck hand washing his shirts and underwear. Again. Last time nothing dried right and he was stuck with damp underwear. Getting shot at while wearing damp underwear is not something he wanted to repeat.

He was halfway under his bed getting stray socks when he heard the door to his cabin open.

"Whoever is there, I'll be with you in a minute!" Trick yelled.

"Take your time, I am enjoying the view," Trick heard Kaidan say.

Of course it was Kaidan. Everyone else knocked. Or waited for an invitation. Kaidan didn't have to.

"Glad you like it," Trick said trying to slide back out. "Uh-oh..."

"Problems?" Kaidan asked. His voice was closer.

"Um... no... Just..." Trick said wiggling around. His shirt was caught on something. And that something was poking into his back.

"I'm liking the wiggling."

"Glad I can still amuse you," Trick grumbled.

Commander Shepard was stuck under his bed.

"Are you stuck?" Kaidan asked.

"No. No... Could you take my laundry down for me? I'll be there in a minute," Trick said sliding the socks he found out from under the bed.

"So, you're not stuck?" Kaidan asked.

"Nope... Just... Cleaning."

"Okay," Kaidan said. Trick could hear the smile.

Finally Trick heard the cabin door open and close.

Now, to get out from under this bed.

He could just break the bed. Maybe. He wondered how long it would take to get a new bed. He'd ask EDI but she would just tell Joker. Then who knows what would happen with the information that Trick needed a new bed.

Last resort, he was going to break the bed. If he could. The damn thing was made of strong metal and welded to the floor of the cabin. He would just do a simple biotic lift on the bed, but he couldn't get into a good position to use his biotics. Plus, he wasn't sure that the floor wouldn't try to come along, the welding job looked pretty strong.

He dropped his head to the floor with a small thump.

"Still cleaning?" Trick heard Kaidan say. He didn't even hear the door.

"No," Trick replied.

"Stuck?"

"Yeah."

"Need some help?"

"I'll get out."

"Okay."

Trick heard Kaidan sit on the couch.

This was embarrassing.

Trick started wiggling again and that's when he heard a rip.

Damn.

This was his only clean shirt.

It took him another minute to finally get out. The shirt was a total loss with a rip from neck to hem. Trick also felt some pain on his back but shrugged it off.

"You were almost defeated by a bed," Kaidan said.

"Shut up," Trick said pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it into a corner.

"You have a huge scratch on your back. It's bleeding. Come here."

Trick sat on the couch beside of Kaidan. Kaidan nudged him until his back was facing Kaidan.

Kaidan hummed as he put some medi-gel on Trick's back.

"It was pretty cute seeing you stuck like that," Kaidan said.

"Next time, you can get the socks out from under the bed," Trick mumbled trying not to blush, but failing.


	26. Stuck in an Elevator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick and Kaidan get stuck in an elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the third game. After a night out with Jack.
> 
> I had this posted alone but decided it should be with it's friends...

Kaidan and Trick left Purgatory only a little drunk. Which was an achievement since Jack kept buying them both drinks.

"I think Jack was trying to get us drunk," Kaidan said as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Yeah. It was fun though," Trick said smiling at the other man. He pushed the button to take them back to the docking bay where the Normandy was.

"Yeah," Kaidan said leaning against the wall of the elevator. Trick leaned against him.

The elevator jerked to a stop.

"What the hell?" Trick asked straightening up. His hand immediately going to where his pistol was hanging at his hip.

"Looks like we got onto an elevator scheduled for maintenance," Kaidan said. He pointed to the vid-screen beside the doors. On it were the words "Routine Maintenance. Please Wait."

"I repeat, what the hell."

"Maybe we should have noticed that when we got onto the elevator."

"I was too busy staring at your ass," Trick said sitting down on the floor.

"Did you like what you saw?" Kaidan asked sitting down beside him.

"So fucking much," Trick said laying down on his back, resting his head on Kaidan's thigh. "Can't wait to see it out of those pants later."

Kaidan chuckled as he leaned back against the wall of the elevator. He trailed his fingers along Trick's chest.

"How long do you think this maintenance will last?" Trick asked.

"Not long enough for what you're thinking of doing," Kaidan replied.

"Fine," Trick said crossing his arms over his chest.

Kaidan laughed.

"What's so funny?" Trick asked.

"The fact that the great Commander Shepard is pouting because I won't... do things in an elevator."

"Do things," Trick snickered. "What kind of things could we do in an elevator, Major Alenko?"

"We're going to sit here and talk, that's it."

"I love how good you are," Trick said with a laugh. "But okay. What do you want to talk about?"

"Jack said you helped her blow up a building," Kaidan said.

"Yeah. Cerberus took her when she was a kid. Performed these horrible experiments on her and other kids. She found the place in some Cerberus files. The building was deserted, well, it was after we cleared out the mercs. I let her plant a bomb and we watched it blow from the shuttle. It helped her find some closure."

"She also said she tried to sleep with you."

"No, she offered to fuck me. I said no, then started triple locking my cabin door. I didn't see her taking rejection well and didn't want to wake up with a knife in my chest."

Kaidan chuckled.

"I heard from Garrus that you got quite a few offers while you were stopping the Collectors," he said.

"Didn't matter," Trick said with an awkward shrug. "They weren't you."

He froze and his eyes widened.

"They weren't me?" Kaidan questioned. "Just how long have you had feelings for me, Commander?"

"Since you boarded the Normandy that first time. With your regulation bag, regulation uniform, serious look and that goddamn hair," Trick said rubbing a hand across his face. He didn't really like admitting that he has had feelings for Kaidan for so long.

"Really?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah," Trick replied.

Kaidan leaned forward so he could look the younger man in the eyes.

"Since the vids of the Skyllian Blitz," Kaidan said.

"Huh?"

"That's when I first started having feelings for you. Even when you were bruised and bloody, you were still fighting. So stubborn. And gorgeous. I was a Trick Shepard fan-boy."

"You win," Trick whispered leaning up so he could kiss Kaidan.

"Yeah, I got you," Kaidan whispered before their lips met.

That's when the elevator jerked to life.

"Thank god," Kaidan whispered.

"Yeah, much longer and I would have been very bad with you on a dirty elevator floor."


	27. Furniture Shopping

Trick and Kaidan were furniture shopping for their new house.

"Ooooo, I like this one," Trick said sitting down on a black leather couch. He bounced up and down a little. "No. This is like sitting on a brick. Oh! How about that one!"  


Kaidan watched as Trick sat on another couch. This time a red leather one.

"Trick, that is out of our price range," Kaidan said.

"But it's comfortable," Trick said.

"It costs too much," Kaidan said. "Being heroes of the galaxy doesn't pay that much."

Trick stood up and swaggered over to the other man. He grinned and took Kaidan's hands in his own.

"But it's perfect," Trick whispered leaning closer, whispering right into Kaidan's ear. "I can see you sitting on it. Naked. Me on my knees in front of you. Taking you into my mouth."

Kaidan shivered.

"No, Trick," he said. "We're on a budget."

Trick dropped his head to Kaidan's shoulder.

"Fine," he said.

"Besides, I hate the feel of leather on my bare ass," Kaidan said.

Trick chuckled.

"So, no leather?" He asked.

"No leather," Kaidan replied.

"How about that one?" Trick asked pointing to a white couch.

"White?" Kaidan questioned.

"Yeah, it looks nice," Trick said sitting on the couch. "And it's comfortable."

"White? The man who has a chocolate stain on his pants and some sort of sauce stain on his shirt wants a white couch."

"Yeah, white is a bad idea," Trick said standing up.

"How about that one?" Kaidan asked pointing to a brown couch.

"It looks uncomfortable," Trick said.

"Just try it," Kaidan urged.

"You're always trying to talk me into doing things," Trick said sitting on the couch.

"Me?!" Kaidan questioned.

"This is pretty comfortable," Trick said.

"And it's in our price range," Kaidan said.

"Okay, box it up," Trick said standing up.

"We're not done," Kaidan said.

"We're not?"

"What about chairs? Kitchen table? Bed?"

"Oh, we need a bed. Table, yes. I really want to fuck you on a table."

"You're incorrigible," Kaidan said shaking his head.

"Yeah, but you love me," Trick said grinning at him.

"Yeah, I do," Kaidan said. "Come on, let's finish shopping so we can go home."


	28. Things You Shouldn't Do At Your Wedding

Garrus stopped pacing when Trick and James walked into the room.

"I'm pretty sure don't be late is at the top of the 'Things You Sholdn't Do At Your Wedding' list," Garrus said.

"Loco got lost. Twice," James said.

"That's why we left him with you," Garrus said.

"Being around him just messes with my sense of direction," James said.

"Okay, let's stop picking on me," Trick said. "I'm not that late."

"That's true. Kaidan hasn't sent out a search party. Yet," Garrus said.

"Let's go get you married," James said.

"Wait a minute," Trick said taking off his jacket.

"What..." Garrus began, but stopped when he seen that Trick was adjusting the pistol and holster at his back.

"How high is 'Carry Weapons' on that list, Scars?" James asked.

"Probably pretty high," Garrus replied.

"Oh come on, I don't take a piss unarmed," Trick said.

"He's got a point," Garrus said to James.

Trick slipped his jacket back on and grinned at the other two.

"Let's go get me married," he said.

The ceremony went off without any problems, unless you counted Trick shouting "Fuck yeah I do!" instead of the traditional "I do."

During the reception, Trick and Kaidan were standing with Garrus when they heard Jack yell "Shepard!"

Trick turned and Jack gave him a long, sloppy, drunk kiss.

"Just felt like that needed to be done," she said before walking off as though nothing had happened.

"I'm pretty sure making out with someone you're not married to makes the list," Garrus said.

"What list?" Kaidan asked.

"'Things You Shouldn't Do At Your Wedding'," Trick said. "So far I've done three things according to Garrus."

"You're such an over achiever," Kaidan said with a smile.

"Yeah," Trick said.

"Are you two ready to cut the cake?" Samantha asked.

"Oh yes!" Trick said.

They followed her to where the cake was. It involved going down three steps. Steps that Trick fell down because he was too busy smiling at Kaidan. He landed on the cake.

"Damnit Loco!" James yelled. "I wanted some cake!"


	29. Trick Reads Fan-Fiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow (he was probably Googling himself...) Trick comes across fan-fiction that is written about him and others. Warning, Trick likes smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea came from a prompt from somewhere on the Internet (possibly Gaia online, but I don't want to swear to it).  
> And I am in no way insulting anyone else's fan-fiction. Write what ya want.

"What are you reading?" Kaidan asked sitting on the couch beside of Trick.

"Fan fiction about us. All of us," Trick replied.

"Fan fiction?"

"Yeah. Apparently we have fans. Fans that write stories about us. Some are really dirty stories," Trick said.

"You like being dirty," Kaidan said with a grin.

"Just with you. These people have me being dirty with everyone. There was one where I fucked The Illusive Man."

"That's... uh..."

"Yeah, exactly. A lot have me with Liara."

"Give me that," Kaidan said reaching for the data-pad.

"No, I'm reading! This one might give me tips if I ever want to have sex with Liara!" Trick said moving the data-pad out of Kaidan's reach.

"Will you ever want to have sex with Liara?"

"No. Just you. Forever. But I like to be prepared, you know that."

"Give me the data-pad."

"You're right, I should read the ones with you and me. Get some tips."

"You don't need any tips," Kaidan said rolling his eyes.

"It bothers me how many of these involve me and The Illusive Man," Trick said laying down. He rested his head on Kaidan's thigh. Kaidan rested his hand on Trick's chest, trying not to think about what Trick was reading. Which failed when Trick continued talking. "I didn't even get to meet him face to face until I got sucked up that beam and ended up on the Citadel. And that wasn't the best time to have him suck my cock. Or for me to suck his cock, which I am doing very well in this story."

"Can we never mention him and anything sexual ever again?" Kaidan pleaded.

"Deal."

"Do people realize that we're together? Why are they writing all these stories about you with everyone else?" Kaidan asked.

"Don't be jealous. There are plenty of stories with you and everyone else. And quite a few with you, me and James."

"What?!"

"Oh yeah. We teach James the ways of discipline or something. You like punishing that naughty boy." Trick grinned up at the other man.

"Give me that," Kaidan said taking the data-pad.

"But I was having fun! I didn't even get to the stories with me and Garrus! Or all the ones where I'm a chick! They made me a chick!"

"No. No more," Kaidan said. "Go watch a vid or something."

"Spoil sport," Trick pouted.


	30. Knock-Knock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Ashley discover that Shepard isn't a serious soldier all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place right after Eden Prime in the first game. The first trip to the Citadel.

Anderson hit the button for the elevator.

"Knock knock," Trick said.

"Who's there?" Anderson questioned like knock-knock jokes were normal operating procedure while waiting for an elevator.

"Little Old Lady," Trick replied.

"Little Old Lady Who?" Anderson asked.

"I didn't know you could yodel, sir," Trick said with a grin.

"That's an old joke, son," Anderson said with a small smile.

Ashley shot Kaidan a curious look. Kaidan just shrugged.

 

After the meeting with Udina, Anderson dismissed Trick, Kaidan and Ashley telling them to meet him at the tower. Anderson and Udina left the office. Trick explored a bit, stopping at a terminal.

"Have you served under Anderson before?" Ashley asked him.

"No," Trick replied focusing on the terminal. "He's an old family friend, though."

"That would explain the knock-knock joke, then," Ashley said.

"Huh?" Trick asked giving her a curious look.

"The knock-knock joke you two did while we waited on the elevator," Ashley said. "It makes sense because you two know each other. Like you've done it before."

"I guess it would make sense," Trick said walking away from the terminal. "But I just did it randomly. Kind of surprised Anderson went along with it. I just like knock-knock jokes."

Kaidan and Ashley watched Shepard leave the office. He was whistling a tune Kaidan vaguely recognized.

"There might be something wrong with him," Ashley whispered.

Kaidan opened his mouth to reply but stopped when Shepard stuck his head back in the doorway.

"Come on you two," he said. "We have a very important meeting to get to."


	31. Lost a Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick Shepard loses a bet. Joker tries to play matchmaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during the first game. Ashley is a bit out of character, and I apologize for that, but I needed someone to team up with Joker for this. Ashley seemed the best choice.

"See ya, Commander," Joker said.

"You're not seeing me now, Joker," Trick Shepard said from behind the pilot. Joker knew that the other man was grinning without even looking. Trick Shepard always seemed to be grinning. Joker was sure that was a sign of insanity. Another sign might be that the man was standing in the cockpit naked because he lost a bet. Loser had to run through the Normandy naked. They had to start at the bridge, go through the CIC, down the stairs, through the mess and into Shepard's cabin.

"I have no desire to see you out of uniform, sir," Joker said.

Shepard just laughed.

After a few seconds Joker could hear other members of the crew laughing and cheering.

"Everything in place?" Ashley asked.

"Yep," Joker replied. He was surprised the gunnery chief was supportive of what he was doing, but was happy for the accomplice. He was mostly happy that she wasn't filing complaints with someone about something. Enough was going on on this ship that could get them (well, Shepard) in trouble with the Alliance brass. Joker didn't want to add fraternization to the list. Even though he was the head of the unofficial "Get Shepard and Alenko Together" task force.

Joker tapped out a couple things and pulled up the camera outside of Shepard's cabin.

Alenko was standing outside the cabin, fiddling with something. As usual.

"It creeps me out that you can just sit up here and watch us," Ashley said leaning on the back of his chair.

"I only use my powers for good," Joker said.

"I doubt the Commander would count this as good. Here he comes," she said watching the screen.

The two of them watch as Shepard runs up to his cabin door. He hit the door release button, but the door failed to open.

Joker almost laughed at the whole scene. Commander Shepard standing there, naked, hitting the door release and looking panicked. Alenko had his back to Shepard. Joker could tell the man was trying hard not to look at the naked man behind him.

"Uh... Hey, Kaidan," Shepard's voice came from the speakers.

"Hey, Commander," Alenko replied, still not turning around.

"Come on, Alenko. Turn around. You know you want to," Ashley whispered.

"I can't seem to get my cabin door open," Shepard said.

"Do you want me to look at it? The door I mean. I can try and get the door open," Kaidan said. Joker knew the man was blushing, even without seeing his face.

"Please," Shepard said.

Kaidan turned around and looked everywhere but at Shepard. Who was now covering himself with his hands.

After a few minutes of watching Alenko try to open the door and Shepard standing there, Joker gave up.

"Can't even get Alenko to give in when we put a naked Shepard in front of him," Joker said with a sigh. He tapped the buttons to unlock the door.

"He has better control than I would have in that situation," Ashley said.

Joker watched Shepard awkwardly step around Alenko and hide in his cabin. Alenko slumped against the door when it was closed again.

Joker shut off the video feed.

"We're going to have to come up with a new plan to get those two to realize they're stupid for each other," Joker said.

"Okay. I'll let you know if I come up with anything," Ashley said before leaving.


	32. Second To the Right, And Straight On Till Morning

"This is my favorite book," Trick said settling onto the bed with his husband and their daughter.

"What is it?" Ashley asked snuggling between the two men.

"Peter Pan. It's a classic," Trick replied.

"Why is it your favorite?" She asked taking the data-pad from him.

"Because, like your Daddy, Peter Pan never wants to grow up," Kaidan replied.

"Growing up is lame," Trick said with a pout.

"Oh. I thought maybe you liked his outfit," Ashley said looking at the picture that was the cover for the book. It was a picture of Peter in his usual green tunic and tights.

Kaidan rolled off the bed laughing.

"It is a nice outfit," Trick said with a shrug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a slight Peter Pan obsession, and I decided Trick needed to have one, as well.


	33. Dent

"Steve, can you put in an order for me a new helmet?" Trick asked.

"Sure. Same kind or did you want to try something new?" Steve asked.

"Same one," Trick replied tossing his helmet onto the table.

"There's a dent in it!" Steve shouted, his eyes wide.

"Yeah. Ladder broke. Landed on my head. Rocks broke my fall."

"Maybe you should have Dr. Chakwas check you out," Steve said with concern.

"I'm taking him there now," Kaidan said leading Trick towards the elevator.

"Kaidan said I'm concoursed," Trick said.

"Concussed. You have a concussion," Kaidan said.

"Yeah. That," Trick mumbled.


	34. Can I Keep Her?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick and Kaidan meet their daughter for the first time.

Kaidan watched as Trick knelt down in front of a small girl. She had long brown hair and big brown eyes.

"That is one of the orphans of the war," the director of the orphanage whispered to Kaidan. "She doesn't talk much. They found her hidden in rubble."

The girl looked at Trick cautiously.

"Hi, my name is Trick," he said with a smile.

"The monsters killed mommy," she said with haunted eyes.

"I killed the monsters," Trick said with a shrug and a smile.

"You did?" She asked.

"Yeah, I did. He helped," Trick said motioning towards Kaidan.

"Will he be my daddy?" She asked.

"Well, I don't know. He could be your mommy," Trick said. She giggled.

"Girls are mommies. He's not a girl," she said.

"Ah, ya got me there," Trick said. "You never told me your name, ya know."

"Ashley," she said.

"Nice to meet you, Ashley. How old are you?"

"Four," she replied with a proud smile. "How old are you?"

"A lot older," Trick replied.

She nodded. After a couple seconds she put her hands on her hips and said, "So, am I goin' home with you or what?"

Trick let out a loud laugh before looking at Kaidan.

"Can I keep her?" He asked.

Kaidan chuckled.


	35. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the Citadel DLC. Which is probably obvious when you read it. Not sure why I felt the need to make a note about it. Shutting up now.

Trick woke up from a nightmare.

It took him a few seconds for him to remember where he was. And who was in the bed next to him.

Kaidan's husky, sleep filled voice brought it all back. Citadel. Anderson's apartment. Kaidan came over the previous evening. He cooked dinner. They watched some vids. Fooled around all over the apartment. Then finally went to bed.

"You okay?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah. Yeah. Bad dream," Trick said rolling over so he could look at Kaidan.

Kaidan wrapped his arms around the other man.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked.

"No. Not right now," Trick replied. He kissed Kaidan's forehead before getting out of bed. "Come on. Let's see how much trouble we can get into."

"May I suggest putting on some pants?" Kaidan asked.

"I will take your suggestion into consideration," Trick said with a grin.


	36. Try Not To Get Arrested

"Where are you taking Shepard?" Kaidan asked Garrus as they walked through the docking bay.

"It's a secret," Garrus replied.

"Okay," Kaidan said.

Garrus chuckled.

"I'm taking him as high as possible on the Citadel and we're going to shoot things," Garrus said.

"Try not to get arrested. And tie a rope around him or something, because 20 credits says he trips over something," Kaidan said.


	37. A Present For Anderson

Trick was sitting in the cockpit with Joker.

"I was thinking we should get Anderson a present," he said.

"A present? Why?" Joker asked.

"For being the first human councilor. For believing in us. For being a great C.O. Whichever. Pick one."

"You're thinking up some devious plan, aren't you?" Joker asked with a grin.

"No. Not thinking. I have most of the plan already thought up."

"I'm in."

"You don't even know the plan," Trick said with a laugh.

"I'm in," Joker repeated.

"I need someone else for the plan."

"Okay. Who did you have in mind?" Joker asked.

Trick tapped a couple buttons on his omni-tool before saying, "Alenko, please report to the bridge."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan's voice replied.

Joker waited for Trick to end the communication link.

"Alenko? Really? He's so by the book it makes my head hurt," Joker said.

"Which just makes it more fun," Trick said with a grin.

"If you just want him in on the plan because of your little crush on him and it all fails, I'm not going to be happy."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Trick said as he began moving the chair he was sitting on from side to side.

Joker opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when Kaidan walked into the cockpit.

"You wanted me, Shepard," he said.

Joker coughed. Kaidan gave him a concerned look.

"Sorry. Got something... yeah..." he said waving a hand around.

"Yeah, Kaidan," Trick said shooting an angry look at Joker. "I got a plan."

Kaidan listened to Trick outline the plan. Kaidan hated the plan, if his frown was any indication. Joker loved the plan, if his laughter was any indication.

"Where would we even get a pyjak?" Kaidan asked.

"More than one. One is funny. More is hilarious," Trick said slowly turning his chair from side to side.

"Okay, where do we even get more than one pyjak?" Kaidan asked.

"I got a couple ideas," Trick said.

"Gonna fill us in?" Joker asked.

"I dunno. Do you guys wanna know if I'm illegally purchasing wild animals?" Trick asked. He laughed as the other two men paled. "I'm joking! There's a place on Illium that sells them and other exotic pets. Hackett has a mission for us close by so we're gonna stop and pick up some pyjaks."

"And maybe something to keep them in. Unless you want pyjaks running around on the Normandy causing havoc," Kaidan said.

"Buy a cage, Commander," Joker said.

\-----------

Acquiring the pyjaks was easy. The next step in the plan was giving the three men some trouble.

"Anderson has a temporary office on the Citadel right now," Trick said.

"Well, we don't want him in his office," Joker said.

"Someone will have to run a distraction," Kaidan said.

"I'll do it," Joker volunteered. "I'll ask him to have lunch or something."

"No. It would make more sense if Shepard did that," Kaidan said.

"But I wanna put the pyjaks in the office," Trick pouted.

"Well, we need a distraction. It's either you personally distract Anderson or, I don't know, Joker gets arrested," Kaidan said.

"Joker. How do you feel about getting arrested?" Trick asked.

"What would I even do to get arrested?" Joker asked. "Break my bones at someone in a threatening manner?"

"Well, Kaidan getting arrested would be too supicious," Trick said.

"I feel like that was an insult," Kaidan said.

"It kind of was," Trick said with a grin.

"Once again, the only logical choice is you," Joker said looking at Trick.

"Damn," Trick said.

"Commander, are we going to the Citadel?" Doctor Chakwas asked.

"Yeah. We're taking some supplies to them," Trick replied.

"Oh good. I told Captain Anderson that the next time we were on the Citadel I would meet him to discuss some things," she said.

"I wanted to talk to him, too. Why don't we all get some lunch together," Trick said.

"That sounds wonderful," Chakwas said.

After she was gone, Trick grinned at the other two men.

"We have a distraction, gentlemen," he said.

\---------

"I just have to run a quick errand. I'll meet you and Anderson at the cafe," Trick said.

"Okay," Chakwas said.

As soon as she was gone Trick and Kaidan moved a cage full of pyjaks as quickly and quietly as they could. Joker followed behind, keeping a lookout. It was pretty easy. No one questioned why Commander Shepard was taking a crate of supplies to the human cousilor's office.

Finally they got to Anderson's temporary office.

"Door's locked," Trick said.

"Did you really think it would be unlocked?" Joker asked.

"I was hoping," Trick said. "Think you can get this open, Alenko?"

"Yeah," Kaidan replied eyeing up the door.

"You sure?" Trick asked.

"Yeah," Kaidan said tapping on his omni-tool.

"Sure?" Trick asked.

"I'm sure he's gonna hit you if you ask again," Joker said.

"He can't hit me. I'm his C.O." Trick said.

"For you, sir, I would make an exception," Kaidan said as the door opened.

Trick opened the crate.

"Go, go!" He said as the pyjaks started to climb out.

The three men hurried out of the office, shutting the door behind them.

"Okay, I'm gonna go have lunch. See you guys in a couple hours," Trick said.

"Later, Commander," Joker said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anderson later donated the pyjaks to a zoo.


	38. Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trick helps his daughter get ready for the day.

"Which one?" Trick asked holding up two dresses for Ashley to choose from.

"Green!" Ashley said.

"Okay," he said handing her the green dress. He put the blue one back into her closet.

"Do you need help?" He asked.

"Nope!" She declared.

He waited as she changed from her pajamas (how did James find kids pajamas that looked like Trick's old N7 armor anyways?) and into the dress.

"Socks," Trick reminded her before she left her bedroom.

She pulled a pair of green socks from her drawer.

"You can help now," she said sitting on her bed.

"Thank you for the privilege," Trick said kneeling down in front of her.

It took awhile to get the socks on since she kept swinging her feet. Finally, they accomplished the task and went out into the living room.

"Shoes," Trick said.

"Boots," she replied.

"Okay, boots," Trick replied with a shrug.

She was pulling on her green boots when Kaidan came out from the bedroom.

"Jacket," Trick said pulling on his own boots.

Kaidan helped Ashley put on her green jacket.

"You're very green today," Kaidan said.

"I like green," Ashley said.

"You look very cute in green," Trick said slipping on his N7 leather jacket.

Kaidan pulled on his boots.

"I look very cute in every color," Ashley replied with a smile.

"Yes, you do," Kaidan said pulling on his Alliance hoodie.

"Everyone ready?" Trick asked.

"Yep!" Ashley replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tend to base Trick and Kaidan's daughter on my own daughter, and this type of thing was very common when she was in kindergarten.


	39. Poker Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place sometime during the third game. While on the Normandy.

Trick dealt the cards to the other men sitting around the table.

"You know, while we were stopping the Collectors, Chambers had EDI monitor Shepard's blood alcohol level," Joker said looking at his cards.

"Really?" Kaidan asked.

"That would explain why EDI was always scanning me," Trick said.

"Why exactly were they monitoring your blood alcohol level?" James asked.

"Because Chambers thought that he was drinking too much," Joker replied.

"But they put a bar on the ship!" Cortez exclaimed.

"I know!" Trick said with a laugh.

"I think they were more concerned about that time you took a bottle of whiskey to your cabin and said you'd shoot anyone that disturbed you," Garrus said.

"I had a bad day," Trick said with a shrug.

"Must have been a really bad day," Kaidan remarked.

"Yeah. You yelled at him," Garrus said.

"Hey, we all promised we would never speak of it," Trick said pointing at Garrus.

"Ah, you boys and your complicated relationships," Ken said.

"Don't play innocent," Trick said turning to the engineer. "You and Gabby were checking in something in engineering and it sure as hell wasn't filters or whatever bullshit you fed me."


	40. Loco's Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James gives Kaidan a nickname.

“Blue?” Kaidan asked raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” James said with a nod.

“Not very original,” Kaidan said.

“Well, I was gonna go with Loco’s Stuff,” James replied with a shrug.

“Loco’s Stuff? Do I even want to know?”

“On Mars, when that robot chick was pounding on you. Loco yelled ‘Don’t touch my stuff’.”

Kaidan squeezed the bridge of his nose.

“So, Loco’s Stuff or Blue. Your choice,” James said with a grin.

“Blue is great. I like blue.”


	41. Sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the third game. Soon after Shepard and Kaidan's date/reality check.

“Your bed is always perfectly made, do you even sleep?” Kaidan asked as he watched Trick. 

“Not in the bed,” Trick replied not looking up from his terminal.

“What?” Kaidan asked.

“I don’t sleep on the bed. I sleep on the couch,” he said.

“You have this nice bed, but you sleep on the couch?”

“Yeah. I... Uh... I slept in it a couple times. Woke up and seen space. Kind of panicked. Decided to sleep on the couch.”

Kaidan was quiet as Trick went back to whatever he was doing.

When Trick was done he stood up and stretched. 

“C’mere,” Kaidan said walking backward towards the bed. Not taking his eyes off of Trick.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Major Alenko?” Trick asked with a grin.

“No. Not right now. Right now I’m tired and would love to sleep in your arms,” Kaidan replied as he began pulling his shirt off.

Trick was pretty sure his brain short circuited when Kaidan started removing clothes. He just stood there staring as Kaidan revealed more and more skin.

_"I should say something,"_ he thought. _"Something besides 'holy shit! Kaidan Alenko is getting naked in my cabin!"_

"You okay, Shepard?" Kaidan's voice broke through Trick's internal fangirl noises.

"Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Can you please not call me Shepard? At least not here. While you're almost naked? Really kills the mood," Trick said with a grin.

"There is no mood to kill, Trick," Kaidan said.

Trick was very proud of himself for not squealing when Kaidan said his name.

"We're just going to sleep. Think you can handle that?" Kaidan continued. “And if you wake up and start panicking, I’ll be right there to hold you through it.”

"Okay,” Trick said. He took a deep breath and began removing his own clothes. 

Kaidan smiled, which made Trick’s brain short circuit a bit again. This man would be the death of him.

When both of them were down to their boxer briefs, they climbed into bed together. Kaidan pressed his back against Trick’s chest. 

“EDI, dim lights, please,” Trick said as he wrapped his arms around Kaidan. 

“Of course, Shepard,” EDI’s voice said as the lights dimmed.

Trick pressed his face into Kaidan’s hair and breathed deep. Yeah, he could sleep like this.


	42. He Had My Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Poker Night, Part 2

“I gotta ask,” James began as he turned to look at Kaidan. “Blue, there were two Shepards running around. Was that, like, a wet dream come true for you?”

“Are you kidding, that clone was an asshole!” Kaidan said.

“Do I really sound like that guy? I should go. I _should_ go. _I_ should go,” Trick said.

“Not this again,” Kaidan said rubbing his forehead.

“You have a less asshole-ish tone in your voice,” Cortez said.

“You’re better looking, too,” Kaidan said.

“He had my face!” Trick exclaimed.

“We could all tell who was who,” Garrus said.

“Glyph couldn’t,” Trick pointed out.

“I thought you were going to shoot that drone,” Kaidan said laughing.

“I couldn’t really blame the little guy, though. The guy had my face,” Trick said.

“But it wasn’t your face,” Cortez said.

“Yeah, he didn’t have the same grin you have,” Kaidan said.

“Or your laugh lines,” James said.

“Or those lines on your forehead,” Garrus added.

“Great, you guys knew if it was me or the clone because I look old,” Trick said with a laugh.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Garrus replied.

“Maybe you should get a tattoo, so if this ever happens again we’ll all know you’re the real Loco,” James said.

“Yeah, but unless it was on his face, Alenko would be the only one that would know,” Ken pointed out. “And if it was on his face, everyone would know to add that onto a clone.”

“I would happily submit to a strip search performed by Kaidan to prove I am not a clone. Will this be a nightly thing? Hourly? What? Should I get naked now?” Trick questioned.

“No, Shepard!" They all shouted.

"Okay, gees," Trick said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this and Poker Night at the same time. Not sure why Joker suddenly got quiet in this part, though. He's still there... Somewhere... Maybe...


	43. He's Working Up To It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place early on in the first game.

Trick walked out of his cabin to see Kaidan working on something. The other man snapped into a standing position as soon as the door shut behind Trick.

“Commander,” he said with a salute.

“You really don’t have to salute me all the time,” Trick said. “Just before meals is fine.”

Kaidan gave him a curious look.

“It was a joke,” Trick said.

The other man chuckled.

“Commander, touch down ETA is one hour,” Joker’s voice said over the comms.

“Thanks, Joker,” Trick replied.

“You got Joker to be a little less sarcastic on the comms,” Kaidan said.

“Give the man time. I’m sure he’s working up to it,” Trick replied.

“Yeah, probably,” Kaidan chuckled.


	44. A Goddamn Delight

“How have you survived in the Alliance this long?” Joker asked. “I mean, I know you get the job done. You’re a great soldier and all that. But I get shit for being sarcastic and they let you go around pulling pranks on the brass.”

“Because I am a goddamn delight,” Trick replied.

“I have heard you described with a different D-word.”

“Dashing? Daring? Darling? Damn good looking?” Trick asked raising an eyebrow.

“Nah, keep going. I’m sure you’ll come up with it.”

“Dreamy. Drop-dead gorgeous. Dazzling.”

“How do you know so many compliments that start with the letter D?” Joker questioned.

“I read a lot,” Trick replied with a shrug.


	45. To Haestrom!

Trick jogged from the comm room to the cockpit.

“Joker, plot a course to Haestrom,” he said falling into his usual seat.

“You got it, Commander,” Joker said. “What’s on Haestrom? More people that want to kill you?”

“Probably, but more importantly, Tali is there,” Trick said.

“Hell yeah. Someone that loves the Normandy almost as much as I do,” Joker said tapping on the console.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on Tumblr: http://gingerann.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr: http://gingerann.tumblr.com/


End file.
